Thoughts from the Displaced

We moved in on Sunday, and it’s already Friday.  Where did that go?  I feel like that has been the question of the week, and I’m not talking about the time.  Living out of boxes is totally not my thing.  Observations and knowing where my junk is is more my speed.

My observations on moving and living in a new state from the past five days:

1.  Hearing your father-in-law call your dad a “beast” in a torrential downpour while moving giant furniture is hilarious.

2.  Giant furniture, and the moving thereof, sucks.  These pieces lead to giant bruises.

3.  These giant bruises will surface when you want them the least, like, oh, the day you have an interview to become a coach at your new school district.  No, sir, I wasn’t beaten recently; I just had a run-in with a lot of furniture that needed to go up and down four flights of stairs.

4.  I have the greatest college friends ever!  Carolyn and Aaron got up relatively early in the morning and loaded a ton of our stuff into the parking lot for the “boys” to pack into the moving truck.  If that isn’t impressive enough, it was about 85 degrees out with 70% humidity on Sunday.  We were all drenched in our own sweat.  Gross.  We owe them big time when they move into their new house (which is hopefully soon!).

5.  Remember our neighbor who used to live below us in Maine who constantly coughed and I thought she was going to pass out each time?  Yeah, she’s been replaced by a constantly ringing phone next door.  Who gets that many phone calls during the day?  I think they are running a mail-order bride business.  Also, who still have everyone call their home phones?  Oh.  Right.  My parents who don’t have cell phones.

6.  Whoever designed the lighting in our apartment was on crack.  There are three light switches to the front hallway light.  This light is just for a five-foot hallway.  That’s it.  And there are three light switches.  The bathroom’s light switch is in this five-foot hallway.  Not in the bathroom, oh no!  That would make too much sense!  It’s not like there isn’t space on the wall for it.  There is.  Lots.  The light in the kitchen is also all the way on the other side of this skinny little kitchen, no where near where you think it should be.  Plain and simple – the electrician was on crack.

7.  Why does everyone in Massachusetts have to drive like they are in labor and about to give birth?  Sure, I like to get where I am going too, but I have no urge to get to the grocery store ten miles away in 60 seconds flat.  Also, honking makes few situations better.

8.  The grocery store carries something called “New Age Beverages.”  Um… what the hell is that?

9.  Massachusetts has the FREAKIEST tree frogs.  They sound like they have little sinister laughs.  Nightmares are made of these.

10.  It only seems to rain here when you want to move something, be it all of your apartment goods, groceries, or the bajillion boxes you now have clogging up your five-foot hallway with three light switches.  Where was the rain on the days I was sweating my butt off?

11.  There is a reason people pay a crap ton of money for water from Maine.  I have now discovered why.  When your husband tells you that your new water, even after being run through a water filter, has a different “tang,” prepare for your body to reject it and become best friends with the bathroom.

12.  My in-laws have this weird thing where they like to turn on all of the lights and then just leave them on.  It drives me nuts.  I don’t want to pay to have every light in the house on at the same time, mmkay?  As a side note, I have discovered that I am completely anal retentive about shutting off lights and will only turn them on or use any electricity when absolutely necessary.  You can only see five feet in front of you?  Meh, you’re fine.  No need for lighting.

There are, of course, hundreds of other thoughts bouncing around in my head, like why do 3M velcro strips have to cost so dang much?  And will that stupid phone EVER stop ringing?!  No, sir, Olga isn’t available anymore, but we do have a lovely Marta model if you are interested!  You should also check out Svetlana while she’s available.  Please call back later!

Moving is tough.

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